2. He’s not my boyfriend
3. You get to have sex on a regular basis
4. Whatever it is, it’s probably your fault (quit harassing the poor guy)
5. Unless he’s actually beating you, anything he does is worth an automatic date to work functions/family functions/casual acquaintances’ birthdays/religious events
6. At some point, because of him, I will have to watch/hear/be exposed to sports
7. You make nauseating faces when you check your text messages
8. Please see 3.
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