Pensive

We all have it. That stuff in our house/apartment/car/barn/tent (I don’t know where you people live, you could be on the internet at the library or some rich person’s basement you’re squatting in for all I know) with a mysterious origin. Sometimes it’s clothing, or a hair thing, maybe even a rogue flip flop or bag of Doritos.


But I just found something on my desk I’d like to discuss: a “Black Licorice” scented pen.

I took this picture like 30 seconds ago.
That is my hand, and that is the pen.

Where the hell did this thing come from??


There are so many questions.

1. It still smells potent, which means I came to possess it somewhat recently. But how can that be? I’m almost 26 years old and I barely write with pens anymore... Do you guys write things down? I feel like I just don’t. It’s sort of sad. Don’t you miss writing? This took a weird turn.
2. The packaging says it was “Made form 100% Recylced Newspapers and Biodegradable Plastic”. That’s cool, I guess. But why? And why black licorice??
3. Can’t we all just agree that black licorice is disgusting and horrible already? Someone just destroy all the goddamn black licorice Jelly Belly Jelly Beans and do the world a service (please please don’t sue me Jelly Belly Corporation, I absolutely adore the watermelon flavor.)!
4. What executives were sitting around at the pen factory and said out-loud to other executives, “You know what phase I wasn’t really done with? Scented pens. America didn’t give scented pens the chance they deserved. That changes today!” ???
5. What should I rub it in first to try and make the smell go away? Dirt? Wet grass?
6. Did anyone out there lose a scented pen?