My contacts

Turned on me today. After 12 years of faithful, dedicated use the right one got ahold of a contact sized shank and shanked me in the iris. Every time I blinked. So of course, I started blinking at warp speed. And rubbing my eyelid. Which is smart because if blinking hurts it seems obvious that pushing would feel even better. All I wanted to do was take the stupid plastic asshole out, but I am legally blind and if I were to do that, I would not be able to get home again.

So then I started walking around to various people’s cubes and telling them about my issue, because that seemed like the logical next step. Eventually I switched to real problem solving mode: begging my sister to drive to my office and bring me my glasses. After a vow to allow her to torment me re:blindness she relented.

Me 10:29 am
you are super duper amazing

Lay 10:30 am
ok

Me 10:30 am
for realz
thi_____________________________________________________________________________________________________s amazing

Lay 10:31 am
ok

Me 10:31 am
i am taking out the menacing contact now in anticipation of your arrival

Lay 10:31 am
ok but it won't be for a while

Me 10:32 am
but i can't take it

Lay 10:33 am
you owe me for the rest of your life you blind bitch


That’s real love.