Better Luck Next Time

Guys of the world - while I recognize the courage that it must take to go up to a girl and ask her out, there’s a right way to do it and a wrong way. An example of the wrong way, as demonstrated Friday evening at Coffee Bean:

INT. COFFEE BEAN – NIGHT

MAN SITS DOWN AT A TABLE WHERE SUPER CUTE CHICK IS READING A REALLY GOOD BOOK.

MIDDLE EASTERN JESUS LOOK-A-LIKE

Hey, can I sit down for a minute?

ME

Ummmm, you already did.

MIDDLE EASTERN JESUS LOOK-A-LIKE

I’m _________ (IMPOSSIBLE TO SPELL CRAZY PRETENTIOUS NAME)

ME

Heyyyyy. I’m _______.

MIDDLE EASTERN JESUS LOOK-A-LIKE

What are you up to this evening?

ME

(GESTURES TO BOOK) Reading?

MIDDLE EASTERN JESUS LOOK-A-LIKE

I’m sorry, but you’re making me really nervous…

ME

(LOOKS UTTERLY CONFUSED AT THE STRANGER WHO JUST SAT DOWN UNINVITED)

Am… I?

MIDDLE EASTERN JESUS LOOK-A-LIKE

(LOOKS TOWARDS THE BATHROOM)

Weird! That guy that just walked out of the bathroom is one of my graduate school professors!

ME

That is weird… You should probably go say hi.

MIDDLE EASTERN JESUS LOOK-A-LIKE

Nooooo, it’s okay. He’s not a very good professor.

ME

Alrighty.

MIDDLE EASTERN JESUS LOOK-A-LIKE

So, you’ve probably got a boyfriend or something right?

ME

(LYING FOR THE SAKE OF SAFETY)

Yup.

MIDDLE EASTERN JESUS LOOK-A-LIKE

Oh well, I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re attractive.

ME

Thanks, it’s nice to be attractive on a Friday.

MIDDLE EASTERN JESUS LOOK-A-LIKE GETS UP FROM THE TABLE AND WALKS OUT OF THE COFFEE BEAN, HIS LONG BLACK CURLS BOUNCING WITH EACH STEP.

FADE OUT.